Support - It’s what we do best!
nzparentsoftransgenderchildren@gmail.com
So, your child is transgender, gender diverse, or questioning
their gender, and you feel you could do with some support?
Well, we’re so glad you’ve found us!
If your child
has just told you that they’re transgender, gender diverse, or
gender-questioning and you don’t know what to do - remain calm, don’t panic,
you’re already doing the right thing by looking for support. Just know that you and your child and family
will get through this, and it’s going to be okay.
Immediately
remind yourself that your child is still the exact same person that they were
before you heard this news from them.
They have just given you the gift of openness, and honesty. They have
trusted you, and exposed themselves to you in a way that they haven’t before, so,
the first and most important thing for you to do is to reassure your child that
you love them, that you support them, and that you’re always there for them.
Strong
family support is proven to be important to ensure good mental health outcomes
for your child. So, even if you’re
feeling utter turmoil inside you, that’s something you need to work out in a
way that doesn’t make it your child’s responsibility to make you feel better.
Something to
keep in mind is that nothing needs to happen immediately. Talk to your child
about what they’d like to have happen. They might want to talk with you about a
new name, new pronouns, wearing different clothes. Listen to them, and make sure they know
you’re listening. Reassure them that you
are right there with them on this journey.
We
hope you’ll join us!
Back in 2015 a
small group of parents, who were in a similar situation to where you find
yourself now, formed a secret Facebook group so that parents and primary caregivers
could support each other in working out how best to support our children in
their journey as transgender or gender diverse.
We also support those who have children who are questioning or exploring
their gender identity .
As at the beginning
of July 2019 the group has grown to include 365 parents, caregivers, and
guardians of all ages, ethnicities, personal, and professional backgrounds. Our children range in age from two years old
to adults in their 30s, and our group grows steadily month on month.
We
use ‘transgender’ and ‘gender diverse’ as umbrella terms representing people
whose gender identity does not match their sex assigned at birth, acknowledging
that some of our children, and people like them, may choose these terms, or
others, to describe themselves. Some of
our children are exploring their gender identity. We recognise a difference between this and
gender expression – identity is about an inner sense of being, while expression
focuses on outward appearances and perceptions, and it’s important to note that
the two don’t necessarily go hand-in-hand.
Our group is entirely parent-led and receives no government
support. We have connections and collaborate with New Zealand-based support
groups such as Rainbow Youth, InsideOUT, ITANZ,
Outline and Qtopia, with agencies such as the Human
Rights Commission, and with many New Zealand health and mental health
professionals and researchers working to improve the quality of health services
for gender diverse people.
Through our group we facilitate families’ access to good quality
information, research, contacts for support services and provide peer support.
We also advocate for our families and our children where necessary, and
we work to ensure that organisations that affect the lives of our children have
policies that are affirming of their gender identity.
What
unites us is a desire to do our best to support our children in their life
journey - to support their natural development, and to ensure that their
health, wellbeing and quality of life are maximised.
Membership of the Support Group
Membership is
open to anyone who is a parent, primary caregiver, or guardian of a transgender
or gender diverse child in New Zealand, including parents of children who are
gender questioning or exploring their gender identity.
Children are
defined as being of any age, although the group is most relevant for those
whose children are under 25. This is not
a group for allies, or for family members who aren’t the primary support person
for the transgender child, although we can point you in the direction of support
groups or services.
A key entry
criteria for membership in the group is the clear intent to support the
transgender or gender diverse child in their life journey. This means different things for different
families, but at the heart is a need for demonstrated listening to and respect
for the child, and their place in the family.
Our Advocacy
Working towards positive change!
Over time, the
group has evolved to include a focus on advocacy or political involvement
(managed through a separate group), along with linking to ‘real life’ groups of
parents and families who get together in particular locations.
We’ve also developed
links with other New Zealand organisations that are focused on supporting
transgender people – this includes Gender Minorities Aotearoa and InsideOUT. We
increasingly work with the New Zealand Human Rights Commission and other
central and local government agencies to ensure that the rights and needs of
our children are taken into account in government policy making.
This advocacy includes, but is not limited to:
Identifying and working on specific issues in NZ that require advocacy
or ‘political’ work in the wider sense. That
includes, for example, submitting on the government’s review of mental health services,
and promoting the interests of our children in proposed reform of the births,
deaths, marriages and relationships registration bill to allow for self
declaration of gender. The main group is always made aware of specific work and has the
opportunity to input into any material at commencement and before finalisation. Any submissions made in the name of the
support group are made known to the group and are available for comment prior
to finalising and submission.
Commenting on and engaging with
‘political’ posts from NZ and overseas, that may for example include posts from
those opposed to transgender rights. The purpose of that engagement is to
ensure we work through the arguments, and discuss how to respond to them.
There are a number of large international groups that you may be
interested in. You can find these by
asking on the main group. We can also
help connect you to country specific groups if you are moving overseas.
Our group is for people who are living in New Zealand, because a lot of the
conversation is about navigating life as the parent of a transgender child in
this specific country. However, if
you’re a member of the group and then move overseas, we aren’t going to ask you
to leave.
For immediate email support, or to join our support group,
please email nzparentsoftransgenderchildren@gmail.com
stating which area of New Zealand you reside in.